I have been reading lately that it is very difficult to be in a relationship with a person that has Asperger’s. While I cannot speak for all persons, obviously, I can speak for myself to which I feel many people could agree. Although I will agree that there are certain characteristics about myself that are so vastly different from others that they cannot comprehend what I am going through or why I am behaving a particular way at a particular time, I could say the same for others as well.
I have read copious amounts of material on dysfunctional people, families, addiction, disorders, deviance, rebellion, and countless other subjects in the field of psychology and psychiatry.
Nobody can disagree, except the extremely dysfunctional, that we are all effed up.
I watched two people on Facebook today. One was called the Neuro-typical (NT), the other has Asperger’s. Some could say I am biased because I have Asperger’s, but I will counter that by saying that Asperger’s does not make you emotionally immune to blunt truth and filter-less reactions. We all have emotions and we all feel pain. So in this sense, I was the objective observer.
I felt upset to find them going at it on Facebook like I was watching drama TV. The interesting thing was, the neuro-typical, who claimed to have so much experience because her husband and kids all have Asperger’s, was more out of control than the person with Asperger’s. She actually said, “Oh that’s a typical Asperger’s response!” She was quite irate. She was on a page designated towards people with Asperger’s, cramming it up with her resentment towards life. This is a typical human being now days. Effed up and pissed off. But we are all tigers waiting to pounce. We lie low with halos over our heads until that moment that makes us “explode.” Humans calling each other humans. As if!
I couldn’t play at that party.
I think general society needs to pretend we all have Asperger’s so we can level the playing field. It is no easier or harder to be in a relationship with a person who has Asperger’s than a person that doesn’t, unless,…. unless you decide to see it that way. What it all boils down to is having more compassion, patience, a desire to understand what the other is truly going through, and a strength to work it out together. Unfortunately the magnitude of pride has taken over people’s hearts. A person lives with one person that has Asperger’s and feels they know all the answers and has some sort of entitlement to treat others, less-than. That is as bad as feeling that if you know one woman or man, you know them all. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am becoming reluctant to tell people I have Asperger’s because their minds must immediately race to a slew of labels and images that aren’t even close to who I am. However, on the flip side, as there is always a flip side, the more people with Asperger’s that start acting like leaders, in spite of these labels, it will help others see we aren’t what they think we are. We aren’t even dysfunctional. We just struggle to fit into a society that has by majority called all the shots on what social situations should look like and how all people should act at one time or another. And that Asperger’s is even dysfunctional. Dysfunctional compared to what? The truth is, everybody is a little right, and a little wrong in their perspective. That’s an unsaid universal law that goes above and beyond what people want to admit in their social rules. What neuro-typicals need to see more clearly, is the Asperger’s perspective. Not from a textbook, or a list on a website, but from the people themselves.
Take it a step further. Everybody needs to hear each other’s perspective. We all have a voice. Everybody has a condition from which they came. We all still feel pain. But the communication has gone retrograde.