I’ve always felt backwards in this life since I was young. I thought different. I acted different. I just was different. I always felt like I was going “in through the outdoor,” so to speak.
I’m not diagnosed with Asperger’s. As many women experience, the intake specialist shot me down before she even listened to why I felt I have Asperger’s. In spite of that, nothing has rung truer for me than when I look and compare myself to the symptoms of Asperger’s.
All the way back to when I was an infant, I can find strings of symptoms all tied together in one big title called Asperger’s. But because I don’t have a diagnosis, it is easy to dismiss that I struggle with anything worse than General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder, both of which I am diagnosed with.
Part of this blog is to remind me in my very crazy life, that I am struggling with something bigger than myself. So when I have a meltdown or an anxiety attack or want to berate myself for not behaving “properly” according to “industry standard,” that I can give myself a break.
More recently, 2018, I have discovered that I am closely link with the symptoms of Complex PTSD. Upon further research, I discovered that cptsd and Asperger’s symptoms run so closely together, that when people heal their cptsd, their Asperger’s “goes away.” Meaning that they never actually had Asperger’s. I’m not ruling that out for myself, but I’m still investigating.
Furthermore, I guess I should add that I was also dropped on my head when I was an infant. This is funny to me, (now). I won’t go into the details of what happened, except to say that it was an accident and the person responsible still feels terrible to this day about it, 41 years later, at the time of this writing.
The point of bringing that up is that brain injuries can be closely linked to Asperger’s as well. However, I need to revisit the symptoms, but the last time I checked, it was not as accurate as my symptoms with Asperger’s.
And finally, yes, I know that Asperger’s was changed to ASD several years ago. However, more recently I found out that only the United States changed that and in other countries, Asperger’s is still alive and well as a diagnosis.
From my extensive research in Behavioral Science type studies, I am fully aware we’re all just making this up as we go. Nobody has any real definitive answers for anything of human design. That is why I try my hardest just to think for myself and not subscribe to any Koolaid,… but I am human.
For more information about me, please visit the Writing page on my website. I have an extremely difficult time “putting myself out there,” so that section of the website is me working on busting down that wall. Hopefully I don’t crash and fall.